And yes, I am coming out and saying it. I know we live in an age where technology is light years advanced compared to when I was a kid. My daughter will never know what a cassette tape is. She will never know what it is like to actually get up to change a television station or lower the volume. Who knows what else! In that, I understand that there are certain things that are unavoidable. However, I realized this weekend that we are raising a generation of socially inept children and all because the parents just want to eat dinner in peace rather than teach their child social and table manners.
I was out this weekend with my husband’s family. As I was sitting in the restaurant I noticed at two sets of patrons just like myself. Both tables had a portable DVD player set up so that their toddler could watch cartoons while the parents and their friend’s ate dinner. My sister-in-law immediately remarked on what a great idea that was. (I will just insert here for reference that my sister-in-law and I have two completely different parenting styles). When she said that about the DVD player I cringed and I actually felt bad for the toddler because his parents were not taking the time to show him the proper behavior in a restaurant. They were not taking the time to show him that a) its okay to not watch TV 24 hours a day, b) people watching is fun and can be a good learning experience, c) you do not need to be “busy” to be well behaved, d) many, many more reasons that I do not have the time to go into here.
I know parents all around the world will disagree with me on this but this is something I feel so strongly about. My husband has two very young cousins who I have barely spoken to because they show up at dinner parties or holiday parties with their little portable video players and proceed to spend their whole time at the party occupying their time that way. They do not even play together or near each other. Same thing when they go to a restaurant – at least let them color together and share crayons! Its so sad to me.
Am I the only person who sees a problem with this? Some parents seem to think that there is an “on” button in kids where all of a sudden you need to start teaching them how to get on in the world. There isn’t. My daughter is a baby but she knows that NO means that she should not be doing something. She does not know the severity quite yet and is still testing but if she gets it even a little bit right now, then in a year she will really get it. To me the same can be said of social skills. If you cannot get your three year old to lift their head from a video game or television to say hello to a waiter then you have a problem. Three years old is NOT too young to learn or already have some manners.
That is why the title of this post is called, “Too Much Lazy Parenting,” because the bottom line is that once someone becomes a parent – peace and quiet go out the window. You are responsible for this little person. You are responsible that they are able to successfully move about in the world and this teachings should start when they are an infant, through adolesence, into adulthood. If I come across as judgemental it is because this is not asking a lot. You are already a parent and that means that you hopefully wanted this child for more than playing dress up. You want to raise a person, right? Well, far too many of us are raising little zombies.
So, next time you take your kids to a restaurant give them a coloring book. Ask them about their day. Ask them their favorite color and if they prefer Dora over Pablo the Penguin. Let them watch you interract with your spouse or the waiter so that they can learn how to do the same. Do not allow your children to go through life like an ostrich with its head in the ground! You had children for a reason – so raise them!
I stumbled on to your blog and I’m glad I did. I like your passion for parenting. I think you are absolutely correct. There is no reason to take a kid to a restaurant to have them watch a DVD, or to set them loose on the rest of the people in the restaurant. To me, parenting moments are ever present. And as you’ve pointed out, this is an opportunity for the parents to tune into their kids in a new setting, to give them some ground rules for future dining situations. Most kids, especially 3-6 would prefer to make up a story with their parents about kids who were bad in a restaurant than actually be bad in a restaurant, or watch some lame dvd.
For reals?? I haven’t seen that yet here but MAN!
I agree and couldn’t have said it better myself. You’re so well spoken….or should I say written, lol. I HATE seeing kids being ignored by their parents- I’ve taught the girls manners, how to carry on a conversation and how to be polite already and they’re not even 2 !! We draw with the crayons that a restaurant gives us or look at the pictures in the menu- but we havent’ gone out in a while since mommy and daddy are trying to get skinny
I hope their good habits haven’t gone down the drain!
I COMPLETELY agree. I did SO much babysitting that it is ridiculous and I found out one thing – there are kids who are zombies who are raised on TV. You turn it off – they throw fits, start crying…etc. They are also pretty violent. I had a boy who was raised on TV. I took him outside, was showing him the clouds, the birds. I said “Look – a bird!” He replied (4 years old) “Ohhh! I want to shoot it and make it bleed and die!!”
Now there are kids who are social, raised to look outside, look at the earth, talk to people and NOT to watch TV. They are happy to play by themselves or with others. Might watch SOME TV, but are totally cool with turning it off and making things, baking things, going for a walk… These are WELL RAISED KIDS. APPLAUSE, Mel, APPLAUSE for properly raising your baby!!
Alan and I have already agreed – no portable DVD players for us, no DVD player in the Car, no TV’s allowed in the kids room!! If they want to watch TV, they hang out with us to do so!
Thanks.
I appreciate all comments – even dissenting ones but its nice to know I am not alone in this opinion.
Alie, the hubby and I are in total agreement. Even (or probably especially) as much of a gamer hubby is he does not want video games or TVs or computers in any bedroom. We have already talked about having a designated area in the home for each so that they can be monitered and so that we can do it all together. My husband grew up in a household where they would each go into their own rooms and watch THE SAME SHOW. What is that about? He agrees that he does not want the same for his kids.
[...] of My World, My Words, write in a post called “Too Much Lazy Parenting” about a recent trip to a restaurant where she saw not one but two families who had brought [...]
I agree with you completely. I just linked to and commented on this excellent post on my blog.
So true and don’t get me started on these type of children who are not reading. My cousin’s son (my godson) gets home from school and plays video games and watches TV until bedtime. Yeah, I will add that he does his homework and occasionally will read a page or two that’s required of him but that’s it. It drives me bananas. And though I argue with my cousin, we were raised VERY differently. So I feel in her case, it was passed on.
There are two sides of parenting. One side is to love, provide, clothe and norish and more. The other is day-to day, hour-to-hour WORK of raising this person to live in our world today. That’s a huge responsibility. If you slip here and there and start patterns, and can catch them and reserve the effects, great. But sometimes we don’t, and hey, some are ok but others will start a domino effect. Anyway, I’m trying not to get too detailed but I know we mommies have strong opinions either way.