Bad Blogger!

Well, gee, the days do get away from me! I have been a horrible blogger lately. It’s not that I don’t have a lot to say about a lot – but finding the time to write it all down is not easy juggling a toddler and work and all that other stuff life throws at you. Who really wants to hear about my mission to make it on time to work every day? Or the fact that cutting caffeine out of my diet made me a royal bitch for a whole week straight? Or that I went to see Avatar, loved it for its cinematography but thought its story could have used a bit of clean up?

Oh….you want to hear about all that? Well, then…what was I thinking that I am sitting here writing to myself? Why didn’t you say so?

Life has been crazy and there will be plenty of updates but for now I can tell you that things are great in the world of this terrible blogger. My daughter is a diva with multiple personalities. One second she is the sweetest child you could ever ask for, doling out hugs and kisses and “I love you’s” and the next she is throwing a fit of mass proportions (in public no less) that make me want to sell her to the highest bidder. She is definitely a growing girl who has come into her own but is still not quite sure how she wants to express herself. So apparently I have used the energy I would have used to blog to store up patience so that I don’t end up on the 5 o’clock news doing the back stroke in a pool filled with Cool Whip. Hmm. Well, that does not sound like a bad idea. Coo-Coo, yes….but don’t we all need a little coo-coo in our lives?

Meanwhile, my husband and I are on our ever continuing quest to organize ourselves and our home. I swear, in this case, if it was the thought that counted our house would be floor to ceiling bins and racks and shelves. Everything would have a place, be in its place, and all of it would be cataloged. Yeah, right. In my sexiest, wildest dreams. For now, I have to settle with my happy life, in a clean yet tumbled house that never quite looks put together and never quite seems ready for surprise company. So please, always give me a half day’s notice if you decide to come visit.

So there you have it. My life in a nut shell. Life is crazy. Life is awesome. Life is messy.

Her smile makes me smile!

Anyone who has photographed a two year old can tell you that it is very difficult to get the shot you want. Instead, you end up with whatever picture said two year old allowed you to capture.

This weekend my mom took two photos of Sophia that positively captured my toddler’s personality two a T. These are the smiles and looks I hope to get on film whenever I take pictures of Sophie.

See if you can guess her character from these:

P is for Pancakes and Penny.

Do you remember back when you knew a whole lot about nothing? As we get older we have all of these facts and factoids running through our brains that its hard to remember when we first learned some of the information we now take for granted. Like, “what is the capital of Texas?” or ”what makes the sky appear blue?” We are, after all, so used to knowing it all. I think even when we knew little we still thought we knew everything.

My niece is 4 years old. She likes to remind me that she is almost 5 years old. She is a lofty 5 year old who aspires to be 16 years old and filling her dad’s hair with gray.

Yesterday she very excitedly brought me her little wallet that was filled with $16 worth of bills. Three $5 bills and one $1 bill. She got this money from various family members after one of her teeth prematurely fell out after an encounter with a corn on a cob.  Lucky kid, huh? I remember getting just $1 from the tooth fairy and cannot recall any other family member even attempting to also pay for the tooth that fell out. What are they trying to do…put the tooth fairy out of business?

Anyway, I digress (as usual).

Nerdy Tia Mel (that’s me) has a habit of turning everything into a lesson. I said to my niece, “do you see that person on your $5 bill? That is Abraham Lincoln. He was a President of the United States a long time ago.”

She looked at the bill, looked at me, and said, “Ooooh.” (Yeah, I translated it to, “Who cares?”)

Caring little for her blank stare, I kept on and added, “He is also on the penny.”

This is when my niece looked at me and said, “Tia, no one is on the penny. Its too dark.”

Okaaaay. Apparently, I am the only nerd out there actually trying to impart some wisdom of the small details we are surrounded with. We eventually got around to talking about how they are working on the letter P in school and how in honor of the letter P, Wednesday is Pajama day and they will be eating Pancakes.

Hmm. I never did get around to showing her a penny. Note to self to bore her again one day soon.

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When life kicks you in the “_____”.

I am sure you can fill in the blank.

I have been suspiciously quiet on my blog, haven’t I? No pictures or blogs from Christmas or New Years. It’s very unlike me. I have to be honest and tell you that I haven’t known how to come on here and tell you about my holidays because the aftermath of the holidays have been such a harsh kick in the ass. There. I said it. ASS.

A few months ago I told you about the Light the Night Walk. We walked in honor of my friend’s husband, Gary who was battling peripheral t-cell lymphoma. At the time of the walk Gary had recently had his last trip up to NIH in Washington DC and was doing well. The next time I saw Gary was in my home on Christmas Eve. They brought their son and had a great time with us. Gary seemed to be recovering really well. His hair was growing back. He was in awesome spirits. This was the third Christmas Eve, Samantha and Gary spent with my wild and crazy family. I am so sad to have to say that this was the last Christmas Eve Gary would spend with us. He fell ill on Christmas Day and after a week in the hospital passed away on New Years Day.

To say that the last 11 days have been difficult would be a massive understatement. I do not know how to put into words the grief I feel for my friend who will now have to raise her 2-year-old son without this father. She has to start over at 30 years old. It’s incomprehensible that in the span of one week we go from talking about planning more children, joking about sex and chores and date nights to life insurance policies, social security, and planning what I am going to say at Gary’s service. Last Wednesday we said farewell to Gary’s physical form. It was really a lovely service. Gary would have appreciated the fact that it was standing room only at one point.

Like I said, the past 11 days have been a kick in the ass. It’s very hard watching and listening to your friend grieve. It’s so easy to be there for your friends during the good times. The birthday parties and happy celebrations. It’s nice and fun to be able to laugh and joke. But the grieving process is hard. It’s a physical pain that I feel and I know that if I feel as if my heart is breaking…my friend is even worse off. Now is when it is important to really show up and be the friend you need to be.

Luckily, Sam has a great support system. We have a terrific group of girlfriends who want nothing more than to help her through this difficult time. Girlfriends are a beautiful thing. I always appreciated mine but the past 11 days has shown me how much more important it is to make sure you have a group of women in your life to enjoy in addition to your husband and kids. I know a lot of women who let their female relationships fall by the wayside once they get married and have kids because it’s not always easy to keep that connection going. Does that sound like you? It does? Well, change that scenarion. Take it from me… its worth it. A girl needs her girls. In more ways than any of you can imagine.

When babies make friends…

…and yes, 2 year olds are babies. Babies can make friends with other babies. I always find that so amazing. Sophie has had two such BFFs since she was about a year old.

They call them Charlie’s Angels at daycare.

We still haven’t figured out who Charlie is…but honestly, these Angels don’t seem to need him.

Don’t you wish you knew what they were thinking here?

I think its amazing that at 2 years old…you can feel the love.

Seeing these tiny people hug always makes me melt a little.

They already like posing for the camera.

Tiny people even try to make room for other tiny people to pose for the camera.

Kind of. I said, “try” didn’t I?

I cannot even fake the funk – how hysterical is that list picture of them all squishing in there? Masters of Physics they aren’t.

I know a lot of parents regret having to put their kids into daycare. They feel that, somehow, their kids are missing out on something better and bigger by not being home with them all day. I come at it from a different direction. I feel that if Sophia was home with me all day long that she would be the one missing out on something wonderful.

I love my baby’s friends.

Sophie 101: Modesty is overrated.

Waitress to Sophie:   “My goodness, you are so cute!”

Nana to Sophie:   “Sophie, what do you say?”

Sophie to Waitress:   “I know.”

Sophie then interprets the look Nana is giving her and adds, “Thank you.”

Can you blame her?

Disney: On getting old…

Disney is not for the faint of heart.  There is a lot of walking, running, squatting, carrying, swinging around – especially with an energetic two-year old. My husband and I found ourselves tossing Sophie back and forth to give our backs, shoulders and hips a rest.  There seemed to be plenty of places to sit down at the parks – but not a lot of time for it once you are through standing in line for this ride or that one…or standing in line to meet this character or that one.

 I remember when Disney was no place for tired feet or legs or backs. I remember being the one leading my parents this way or that to do this ride or that one. Mom, Dad – have I thanked you guys lately?

How is it that after a few hours I could feel every bone in my ankles and feet? All of the joints in my hips? At the end of each day my husband and I would lay on each of the full size beds in our standard Disney hotel room and just sigh at how good it felt to not move a muscle. Then we would pass out.

Six hours later our little one would bounce up from her Disney Princess Air Mattress, flip on the light in our hotel room, and somehow (from somewhere) my husband and I would get the jolt of energy that had us all showered and dressed and heading for the bus to the park of the day within 45 minutes flat. Ready to do it all over again.

Because no matter how old you feel at the end of each day at Disney…the magic of Disney can instantly shave 20 years off of a person at the dawn of each new one.

My back still hurts, my ankles are still sore…and I cannot wait to go back.

Potty Training – PAUSED

So after a few good days, a morning dry diaper, poopy in the potty – I thought Sophie was ready to step it up a notch with the potty training. I put her in panties part of Saturday and Sunday and we had lots of accidents. I figured this was normal. Monday night, I also put her in panties. She stayed dry but fought me to even try to go on the potty (which was exactly what she did this weekend). She started getting very frustrated and angry with me if I insisted she try. Her respond, “I don’t have to potty!” I tried stickers for trying. I used her Dora pull-ups as an enticement. Those really only worked on a superficial level. I was not really getting through to her. Between Saturday and Sunday we also had a lot of acting out on her part which I can see now was a direct result of the stress the potty training was putting on her.

I started to suspect that maybe we should take a break but felt like that was “giving up” and thought that was the wrong thing to do. The doubt was there, though. It did not feel right to me – and I know my child, I know her reactions. What really got to me was when I spoke with her teacher and she relayed to me how well Sophie had been doing going to the potty in school but all of a sudden, since Monday morning, she was not going potty for them. She would sit on the toilet for a bit and then jump off and say, “I’m done!”

After that, I definitely felt like my instincts were dead on and we needed to take a break. No pull-ups. No potty. For a couple of weeks unless she showed interest sooner. I told Sophie this, too. I will probably tell her a few times so that she is aware. My kid may be showing physical signs that she is ready for the potty – but she is not showing that she is emotionally ready to keep it up. From what I hear and read, a lot of it is a control thing. Going potty is the one thing they can control. Also, stopping what they are doing to go potty is another control that Sophie is not ready to give up – at least not at home.

To be continued for now…

NO means NO…or YES!

“No” is Sophie’s favorite and most constant word besides, “Dora”. I am not kidding. With as many words and sentences coming out of my child’s mouth NO is the one I hear the most and intensely dislike. Is it so wrong for me to expect some immediate acquiescence to whatever it is I want her to do?

I thought it would be funny for me to note the many shades of “no” that Sophie has.

• There is the shouted and firm, “NO!” that I am pretty sure she has learned from me and her father. Its usually paired with her plopping her bottom on the ground as if she is digging herself in for the long haul and nothing you (or me, apparently) can make her move. Silly Sophie…you are only 26 lbs, my dear.
• Then there is the, “Nooo….” which is a little sing-songy and comes with a slow shake of her head.
• One of my favorites is the, “Umm…..? No,” that almost immediately turns into a, “yeah!” Its one of my favorites because she says it so fast that she is going against what she thinks are my wishes until she realizes that, “wait a minute – that is something I like to do!” At two, her immediate instinct is to go against the grain. Lord help me.
• As of Sunday our newest version of “no” is, “No thanks!” which sounds like, “No tanks!” This one is pretty funny. I have been trying to teach her, “No, thank you” just because its more polite than the no’s you read above. But no. She catches on to one of her father’s most favorite, sarcastic phrases, “No thanks.”

Part 2 of this blog is my reaction.

Obviously, I cannot let NO be the end of it. She responds with it when I ask her a question or when I tell her to do something. She does not seem to notice the difference. I am trying to give her choices between two items instead of asking her straight out but this is not possible with everything. 

I will be honest and say that NO drives me crazy.

Initially I was reacting with a firmness or whatever attitude kind of like, “There is no saying no, honey, its time to [change your diaper or take a bath]” whatever it is that she was saying no to. Sometimes that worked and other times it didn’t. Making it a game took too long – especially in the mornings which never seem to run on time.

Lately, I have been taking a page from my mom’s book. I tell Sophie in my sad little voice, “Oooh, Sophie. The word no makes mommy so sad when Sophie says it.” Sometimes I bow my head and cover my eyes for effect. Sophie is not the only drama queen in our house (I am talking about her father, obviously). This has been working like a charm! She comes over and pats me and says, “I sorry, mommy. It’s okay.” I secretly adore that little soothing pat on my head or shoulder. And then we go do what needed to get done. Since I started this I am getting NO from her less and less. This morning all I had to do was say it from her room into the hallway (she could only hear me, not see me) for her to run in all ready to get dressed with an, “okay, mommy!”

I am not above admitting that, “okay, mommy!” is one of my favorite phrases – if one of the most less often heard in my house.